Honestly Okay
by Tella
Summary: Every girl has her share of problems, school, parents and loneliness. Sometimes the problem goes away, sometimes it stays and sometimes it gets worse. And it is fine as long as you have friends. In the end everything will be okay.
1. Chapter 1

**Honestly Okay**

**AN: I do not own Card Captor Sakura**

**Summary:** Every girl has her share of problems, school, parents and loneliness. Sometimes the problem goes away, sometimes it stays and sometimes it gets worse. And it is fine; as long as you have friends. In the end everything will be okay.

**Chapter 1**

_**Sakura's P.O.V.**_

Isn't it just typical that your final and most important year of high school is the year you find the most difficult to cope with? I've never been the bright spark of the group. I had to work hard to get the C's and B's that proudly smiled up at me from my report card. My dad accepted that I would never be the straight A student my brother was, and I recon if he is okay with it then so am I. But recently it got worse.

I struggle to grasp any concept of what is being said in Mathematics. Miss Yen explained it to me so many times that I think she dreams about it in her sleep. I even had to ask Meiling's jackass cousin, Xiao-lang Li, to tutor me. He tries his best and he does seem to succeed where others have failed, but I just can't seem to like him or math. Besides, the only reason he agreed to tutor me was to make up for all the other trouble he caused at school.

And then there is science. Honestly, who cares about Newton's law of gravity? As long as my feet stay on the ground and I know a rock will hit Li on the head when I drop it on him, I do not care. Unfortunately my teacher cares. And when he cares, you care. So much for independent thought.

Tomoyo is no help with science what so ever. She does not even have the subject. Meiling is not interested at all and will do absolutely everything and anything to avoid studying and homework. That left me, yet again, with jackass Li. Despite all his behavioural problems he still stayed on of the top academic students' list. How? I do not know and frankly do not care. As long as he helps me pass, I am happy.

The thing is I am just barely passing. I am scraping through like scraping has never been done before. Well, in math at least. Science is way better. I get a fluctuating C for that now. And even though I hate to admit it, it is thanks to Li. He really does know how to explain something so it is understandable and not just a lot of drabble.

So I have a big fat D on my report card for math, a C for science and a load of B's for the rest of my subjects. Not exactly the kind of report card I hoped to give to my father, but such is life. And I predict a long grounded winter holiday for myself. My only contact with life beyond my house will probably be Li, seeing as dad took it upon himself to prearrange tutor lessons for me this holiday.

I know Li won't complain, he gets paid to sit with me for crying out load. But me, I have to sit through the endless torture of working out equations I really don't think I am ever going to use in my life again! Why, oh why is life so unfair? Why couldn't I've been born with super intelligence? Everyone is going to have a grand time outside playing with snowballs and building snowmen and I will have to sit indoors with the jerk and do math.

I sighed as I opened the front door. At least I got a movie and coffee in with Tomoyo and Meiling before my prison sentence starts. Thank you Mrs Thalani for closing the school a little bit earlier so I could have a bit of fun. It is the only good thing she has ever done, I swear. Stupid headmistress.

"I'm home!" I looked around the room expectantly as I pulled off my jacket and big ass boots. "Dad?"

"Down here, honey!" I sighed again. He's in his study in the basement. I swear, he could start his own archaeological dig right in his own study. Some of those books must have been there for ages and some of them existed for even longer. And some of them I just don't like at all, I get this weird feeling whenever I am close to them. Weird I know, maybe it is because they have math in them.

"Here." I pushed my report card into my dad's hands and he opened it. A frown was on his face most of the time. Like I said, my grades aren't exactly the spitting image of Toya's. There is a reason my brother went to study engineering and I will never even consider anything like that. I knew it, I am so grounded.

"Very good, Sakura." Eh? Good? Did he just say good? "You picked up all your marks quite well. Math still needs a bit of work, but that is what the holiday is here for. You can work on math during the day with your tutor and spend the nights and weekends with your friends."

"I'm not grounded?"

"Honey, why on earth would I ground you? You've been working so hard." I looked down at my dad's smiling face. "How about you and I go out for something to eat tonight? To celebrate your good grades."

"Thanks dad!"

**_Tomoyo's_** **_P.O.V._**

Good heavens, I just wish they would shut up! They are always yelling at one another. This one did this, that one did that... I've seen more mature fights on a primary school play ground. Oh wait, this is has gone way beyond any form of maturity level along time ago.

Great, now their voices are getting louder. We live in such a fucking huge house, but they have to yell obscenities at one another right in front of my room. Yes, yes I know the drill. Accuse one another and get it over with. We all know who the guilty party is in any case. Why do they even bother?

I turned my music up. Top volume, maybe then it would keep their voices out, or at least dimmed. Loud and over bearing rock is always a soothing sound or mixture there of when you feel down. I shoved the last of my things in my bag.

Now just to find that CD Meiling lent to me…

Someone hammered on my door and I ignored it. I found the CD under a couple of books and also shoved it into my bag before pulling it onto my back. My door opened and my mother stood glaring at me. "Tomoyo, put that music down."

"Why? So I can listen to you and dad scream at each other?" I pushed the off button on the remote and dumped it on my bed. I walked past my mom without saying a word, same with my dad.

"Where do you think you are going, young lady?"

"To Meiling's."

"I don't think so." I turned to look at my father. His blue eyes were that dangerous shade again, but I don't care. It's not like he would give me a hiding this time around. I'm all grown up, or so they like to say. I ignored that warning look of his and walked down the stairs. "Come back here."

"Why?"

"It's a school night."

"School closed today dad. But I suppose you wouldn't know that, since you are at the office 90 of the time and the times you are at home you and mom yell at each other. Now why the hell would I stick around and listen to you killing one other? My report card is on the kitchen table if you are even interested."

I pulled open the door and walked out into the cold air. It was starting to get dark, and snow was slowly falling down from the grey clouds. I didn't bother to respond to my mom and dad's protests. They can go back to biting one another's heads off, but I am not going to stick around and listen to it.

I have better things to do with my time and since school is finished I don't have to worry about any of that crap either. No homework, no assignments and no tests. I've waited a damn long time to able to say that. Best of all there is no choir. I don't even know why I bother going on with it. It is as boring as hell and I hate the teacher.

I suppose I kept going on with it because it is the only thing dad would come to. Competitions. He likes it when I win, then he can brag to his so-called friends about how well I did. He wants physical proof, trophies, medallions and all that other shit. He could care less about me and less about my grades at school.

Fucking straight A's.

**_Meiling's_** **_P.O.V._**

Xiao-lang left me alone today when I got home. The girls cheered me up for most of the day. Half day of school kept us busy to some extent and the movie we watched was quite funny. I would have stayed in that coffee shop we went to afterwards the entire day if Sakura hadn't said she should go home and face the music.

The poor girl has been studying her butt off. My dumb ass cousin likes helping her. His conscience caught up with him when he went to university and now he is trying to make up for all the crap he caused at school by tutoring one of my best friends. That and he likes her, period.

That far off look he gets in his eyes when ever he watches her solve a problem is really starting to annoy me. Why doesn't he just tell her that he likes her? Ask her on a date or something, but for heaven's sake, stop staring. Then again, my cousin is a chicken when he really likes a girl. At least he is getting her to pass.

Today, two years ago…

It still hurts to think about it. I really miss them, even Clare. I stared at the photo on my bed side table. Mom and dad with Clare and me. It was taken days before…

Face it Meiling, you will never be able to bring them back, no matter how hard you wish or how many times you cry. They are gone and there is nothing you can do about it. They all died in that car accident and they didn't take you with. You are left here on earth to go on with your life without them.

No more mom, no more dad and no more sister…

All that is left of them is me. Meiling Li, daughter and sister. I still have Aunty and even though I hate to admit it I have Xiao-lang. The jerk can be nice if he wants to and he does try his best most of the time. Especially when I feel down.

And I have Tomoyo and Sakura. They try their best, even when they don't know it. They can make me laugh and make me feel wanted.

Okay.

They make me feel okay. And that's okay. I closed my eyes and listened to the music softly playing in the background. Aunty was playing the piano again. In my mind I could see her slender, aging fingers glide over the keys, striking selected ones to make a particular sound. All the sounds, from all the keys pressed, mix together to form a beautiful song.

My door burst open and Tomoyo stomped in. She closed the door loudly behind her and dumped her bag in the corner of my room before sitting herself down on the corner of my bed. "I'm crashing at your place for a bit."

"It's cool." She was angry again. She's angry a lot these days. Tomoyo is angry, Sakura is stressed out and I feel depressed. How wonderful for the three of us. We must be feeding of each other's emotions to be this happy. "Do you want some hot chocolate?"

"That would be nice." I pushed myself off my bed and lead Tomoyo down to the kitchen. Xiao-lang was there making himself something to eat, as usual. I swear he is a bottomless pit. How Aunty keeps up with the food bills is absolutely beyond me. "You don't eat Li, you devour."

"Whatever Daidouji." She pulled a face at him and I laughed. "Where is that other friend of yours?"

"Don't pretend that you don't know her name." I chimed as I poured milk into mugs.

"Yeah, we know you dream about her all the time." Tomoyo sat down across from him at the counter. "You want her so bad, it should be illegal."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Yeah right, and that is why your face is so red. Oh Sakura! Your Romeo has dirty thoughts about you, all day long."

"Don't be despicable."

"I'm not, I am truthful. Admit it Li, you dream about her. You want her so bad that your body aches for her." I watched Tomoyo as she tore at my cousin's soul. She has way of getting to your weaknesses and exploiting them so badly that you wonder whether that pretty face of hers is actually hiding the wicked witch of the west. "Oh well, then I just won't give you this photo I took of her the other day."

"What photo?" Way to go Tomoyo.

"Oh, just some photo Tomoyo took of Sakura when we went to stay over at Sakura's house. Remember? That weekend you had to go to Tokyo?"

"Yeah, so?"

"We just thought this was a particularly good photo of her. You know how shy she is in front cameras." I took the photo from Tomoyo and stared at it. It was actually a rather good one of Sakura. You could see the real her. She was sitting at the dining table with her head supported by her hand. The other hand still held the fork and a big plate of pasta was in front of her.

But the best part of the photo was her smile. It's that soft smile when she is listening to what you are saying. That soft smile that really tells you that she cares, no matter what. And the soft light in her green eyes just intensified it.

Tomoyo grabbed the photo from me. "Oh and look, she is wearing that tight blue shirt you bought her Meiling."

"Give me that." We laughed at Xiao-lang as he pulled the photo from Tomoyo's hand. His face turned scarlet. Oh yeah, score one for the girls, zero for Xiao-lang. Sorry Sakura, but this opportunity is just too good to miss.

"What on earth are you looking at Xiao-lang?"

"Nothing." I bit back my laughter when Aunty came up behind Xiao-lang and he hastily tried to hide the photo.

"Nonsense. It can't be nothing." She pulled it from his grasp. "My, Sakura looks lovely in this picture. I hope you frame it." Tomoyo and I burst with laughter. My cousin's face was classic. I have never seen him that red, since forever. "Hello Tomoyo, dear. Will you be joining us for dinner?"

"If it isn't too much trouble, ma'am."

"Not at all, we're going out tonight."

"Cappuccino's, please let it be Cappuccino's." I begged my aunt.

"Cappuccino's is fine. I'm rather in the mood for a good salad, actually."

"YES!"

**AN: Hey people! This is my new fic. Rated for language. Please take note that it is subject to irregular updates. I have a life beyond the Internet. Ha ha!**

**Normal drill, there will be some typos and grammatical errors. I'm a second language English user. I try to edit my work as much as possible, but sometimes small errors slip past me. **

**Thank you for at least checking it out!**

**Tella**


	2. Chapter 2

**Honestly Okay**

**AN: I do not own Card Captor Sakura**

_Maybe the year before I was still a child_

_Maybe in the year to come I will be grown_

_Maybe in the now I should stay me_

_-Tella-_

**Chapter 2**

**_Tomoyo's_** **_P.O.V._**

Meiling's family is cool. Mrs Li is totally in charge of everything. She won't even hesitate to put me or Sakura in our place, and believe me, she has done it more than a couple of times. Li is like the brother I never had. I can totally pull at his soul and annoy him. It is so damn easy to get to him, it is not even funny. Especially if you pop in the name Sakura or Kinomoto somewhere.

Then there are the Li sisters, all I can say about them is thank heaven they moved out before I met them. Li's mental instability must be due to those girls. They are hyper, loud and they pinch. Not a very nice combination. They are extremely pretty and popular though.

Li is really not all that bad. He is attractive in his odd way I suppose. Not exactly my taste, but that is why we can say thank you for the phenomenon called 'taste differ'. He is super smart. He was the top of his class when he was in high school and apparently he also does extremely well at university. This is something to say, considering that he is a second year mathematics student.

Also the reason as to why he tutors Sakura. He gets extra credit, but ulterior motives are suspected. Everyone knows that local heart throb, Xiao-lang Li, has had a crush on shy reserved Sakura since he laid eyes on her. Everyone except Sakura that is. He's been staring longingly at her the first day we stepped into that high school.

He never made a move. He never had a reason to talk to her, until Meiling came along. It is just by pure luck that she ended up in our group. We like to call it fate, but if you look at the odds you have to call it luck. Li used this to his advantage and made sure no other guy would even look at Sakura the wrong way.

The best expression I ever saw on Li's face when Meiling took us to her home for the very first time to meet her aunt. The introduction was classic. Sakura merely gave a simple 'Hi Li' without Meiling introducing them and walked off behind Meiling to go meet Mrs Li. I stayed to watch his face. It went from pure confusion to heavenly bliss. Oh, she knows his name! Insert me laughing my butt off right here.

He had reason to talk to her now. When he heard Meiling talk to Sakura about her bad math and science grades, he jumped at the opportunity to tutor her. He even got Meiling to somehow convince Sakura that he is in fact the man for the job. Yet, something is still to happen between them.

Sakura is so oblivious to the vibes that he gives off when she is around him. All she really cares about at this point of time in her life is having fun and passing maths. I've never heard her talk about wanting a boyfriend once.

Where Li can be seen as a complex individual, Meiling is less complex. She is open, sometimes loud, caring, a bit over bearing and a total sweetheart. She lost her family in a car accident and that is why she had to move to Tomoeda. She was pretty depressed in the beginning, but we tried to make her laugh as much as possible. Hey, a smile a day keeps the doctor away.

Then again, the same can be said if you keep beating them with a hammer over the head. But that is just my whacked out perception of how life should be at the moment.

Yeah, yeah. I'm a bit bitter. Give me a break. You would be too if your parents are constantly fighting with one another. Sometimes I wish they would just split and get it over with, it would save me a headache or two. But then other problems will arise and I might be forced to actually spend time with my dad. Hell knows what we'll do or what we'll say. He'll probably take me to the zoo and buy me a balloon.

The waiter showed us to our table and we all sat down. Wow, isn't that a nursery rhyme on its own. Mrs Li was talking to Li about goodness knows what. "What are you going to eat?"

"No idea." Meiling and I stared at the menu. Best thing about this place is that absolutely everything on the menu is supper delicious, the bad thing is that now you have to make choices. "There is always pizza, or pasta, or the chicken… The salad is nice too."

"Great, as if multiple choices on tests aren't bad enough. There you only have to choose between four options and the answer is always damn obvious."

"Sakura would disagree with you."

"Sakura disagrees with everything."

"I do not."

"See. Hold on." We looked up to find Sakura standing next to us with her hands on her hips. Her father was talking with Mrs Li and Li across the table. "Sakura? What the hell are you doing here?"

_**Sakura's P.O.V.**_

I glared down at my two best friends. As if, I do not disagree with everything. "Same as you numbskull, we came to eat."

"Sakura dear, sit down."

"Thank you Mrs Li." I sat down and my dad sat down next to Mrs Li and continued their conversation. It is so weird, they won't see each other for months and when they do they talk a dog out of a bush. Literally. "What have you two morons been up to?"

"Oh nothing much, we just showed Li some photos of you in your bikini."

"Ha ha, Tomoyo. You know as well as I do you don't own photos of me in my bikini, especially resent ones. So what are we eating?"

"I have no idea." Meiling sighed as I resorted myself to stare at the menu along with them. "A switch perhaps?"

"That could work. I want Hawaiian."

"Fine, I dibs the four cheeses."

"Okay, okay. I'll order the special." Make me look like the pig around here, why don't you? Oh, not that it matters. It's only pizza. And we split them three ways in anyway. "You sleeping over?"

"Yup." Tomoyo nodded at me. "Why don't you join us?"

"Can't. Dad took it upon himself to organise me some 'time alone' with brain boy over there."

"I heard that."

"What ever Li. I have tutor lessons every damn day of the week, excluding weekends."

"Come now, spending time with me is not that bad."

"No, but math is. If you still haven't figured it out, I hate math!"

"You just have to get hold of the basics and the rest will follow." I plopped my elbow on the table and my chin in my hand. "It is just a matter of establishing as foundation to work from." I hate it when he goes all 'understanding' and 'caring'. He always makes it sound easy when it isn't.

"Uh-hu. You've been saying that for months now and my so-called foundation is still crumbling. Newsflash Li, I don't want to be a mathematician when I grow up. I want to work with books and books do not take math. And those that do, I avoid with all my might. They are boring. The people who write them are boring."

"So you are saying I am boring."

"To some extent, yes. You do everything according to a formula you've worked out in your head. Even the way you make a sandwich is exactly the same every time. And don't try to deny it. I've watched you long enough."

"Watched me, eh? Are you a stalker Sakura?" I glared at him. "If you want me that bad, you just should have said something." I narrowed my eyes even more. "I mean, I am sure we could have come to some form of arrangement." I wish I had something to throw at him right now. Prove Newton's law does work…

"Have Sakura told you the news yet, Xiao-lang?"

"Dad. No."

"She raised all her grades. Math still needs a little work, but the rest is fantastic." I dropped my head on the table and stared at my legs. Thanks a lot dad. "Your tutoring is really starting to pay off." Dad!

"Really?"

"Your ego is big enough as it is Li, you don't need to inflate it any more."

"Sakura!"

"Sorry." I mumbled under my breath as my father turned his attention back to Mrs Li. "Stop grinning, will you?"

"Don't worry Sakura, this holiday we will have all the time in the world to mend your crumbling foundation and maybe even start to build on it."

"Find yourself a girlfriend and leave me alone." I hate math. Li likes math. A negative multiplied by a positive makes a negative. That makes sense. What makes more sense is this. I hate Li!

**_Meiling's_** **_P.O.V._**

Right through dinner Sakura sat glaring at Xiao-lang, Xiao-lang kept teasing Sakura, Tomoyo chatted away about mindless nonsense and Aunty and Mr Kinomoto talked boring grown up stuff. All in all, not exactly what I had in mind, but at least the pizza was good.

I stared at my dark ceiling as I listened to the night sounds. Somewhere cars were racing to unknown destinations, night birds were singing softly and Xiao-lang's mumblings in his sleep could be heard every so often. Yeah, the idiot talks in this sleep. Most of the time it is useless drabble, but sometimes he let things slip. Like now.

I silently stood up and walked to his room. He was sleeping like a baby, except for this inaudible mutterings. I listened intently. He was reliving a conversation. "I know she's hot." I bit back my laughter. "No, she's mine Eriol. Sakura is mine." Sakura is yours, eh? You'd better hurry my dear cousin. Someone else might take her.

I stood over him and looked down at his peaceful sleeping face. Such as shame to wipe that content smile off his face. I shook him violently and he sat up straight with a jolt. "Meiling, what the hell?"

"You're talking in your sleep again. I can hear you in my room."

"Shit, did I wake you?"

"Yeah." Not really, but he doesn't need to know. "So you think Sakura is hot. You have seen her Halloween." He let out a sigh and moved over so I could climb in bed with him. He really is like a big brother to me. He always indulge me in my midnight talks and sometimes he will just sit with me and hold me when I cry. "She had this really cool witch outfit on."

"Witch outfit?"

"Yeah. It was low cut and tight around the middle, with this semi skirt thing going on at the bottom. It just covered her butt and she wore those blue jeans that you like with it, with this big over the top witch hat. It looked really cool."

"And if I recall correctly you were an elf." He pulled me into his arms and I rest my head on his shoulder. Sakura said Toya used to do this for her when she was little and scared or upset. It is what I used to do for Clare. "With the whole Lord of the Rings theme going."

"Yeah, and you stayed home and studied."

"Because I had a test the following day. I can't have fun all the time, sometimes I need to work too. What was with you and Daidouji this afternoon?"

"Just teasing. You do still have the picture, don't you?"

"Yeah, in my stats book."

"Your favourite subject and favourite person."

"She's not my favourite person, you are squirt. My favourite cousin, remember?"

"What is she then?"

"Sakura… Just some girl I stupidly lost my heart to. I don't know why, honestly. We have nothing in common and I find her view on life mind-boggling. She's just too level headed, even for me."

"That's why I like her. You can give her any problem on life and she will be able to solve it or at least make it bearable. She's not great with sums and mathematical problems, but she can deal with life like no other person can. Do you know what she told me the first time I met her?" He shook his head.

"That mom, dad and Clare will always be with me no matter what, because I carry them in my heart and no one can take that away from me. She told me that I'm not alone. They will always be there and look over me. She was a stranger when she said that to me, but it was the best thing I've ever heard in my life.

"Before that everyone just told me that they were gone and that I should make peace with it. Here this girl with the oddest caring smile tells me that they are always with me, even though I can't touch them. And the strangest thing was, I believed her. I still believe her, because she believes it herself."

"Wow."

"Yeah, she's a lot smarter than you."

"Hey!"

"Try it Xiao-lang, present her with a moral problem or a general life problem and listen to what she has to say. The worst answer she will give you is that it is something that you have to figure out for yourself, but she'll be there for you when you need her."

"That is all good and well, Meiling, but you are forgetting one little problem." Problem? What problem? It shouldn't be a problem for him to talk to her, should it? "I'm her tutor, not her friend."

"Bull, she wouldn't have put up with your crap if she didn't consider you as one of her friends. Only last week she beat up her lab partner for giving her trouble."

"Sakura beat up a girl?"

"A guy. The teacher had to assign them new partners, because he refused to come near her after that."

"Hold up! You want to tell me that, that quiet, reserved girl beat a guy up? Sakura Kinomoto, the girl who wears jeans and light jerseys, beat up her lab partner?" The memory of Sakura in her tight bootleg jeans and soft light blue jersey with a white shirt under hitting Tai in the face with her fist played in my mind.

"Yeah."

"Hell. That… That… She just scored big with me." I frowned at him. "That is hot! That is really hot! A girl who can stand up for herself." I sighed as my dumb witted cousin continued to push Sakura's 'rating' up and up. Didn't he just question his 'love' for her a couple of minutes ago? Boys are weird.

"Stop perving, or I'll tell her to beat you up."

**AN: Hey guys. Thanks for reviewing the previous chapter, I enjoyed it a lot. Remember it is _World Book Day_ the 23 April, so read. And Happy Easter!**

**Thanks!**

**Tella**


	3. Chapter 3

**Honestly Okay**

**AN: I do not own Card Captor Sakura **

**Chapter 3**

_**Meiling's P.O.V.**_

When I woke up my cousin was gone. He went off to tutor Sakura at her home, where there is peace and quite and no one will be able to disturb them. Sakura's brother moved out a long time ago, and although her dad took time off from work, he still drives around a lot organising other stuff. Usually Sakura would have gone with him, but seeing as Xiao-lang was teaching her the art of fraction multiplication, it didn't happen.

Tomoyo was down stares staring at the television with my aunt. They were watching some British cook show that they like. Aunty always watches it if she can and Tomoyo always joins her, no matter what. It's strange, they get along so well. Tomoyo might as well be part of the family.

Actually, I think Aunty sees Tomoyo as part of the family and she prays that Sakura will actually become part of the family through marriage. She is really keen on the idea of having Xiao-lang and Sakura get married. I'm not sure where she got that idea from, but it seems to have been hovering in the air the first day Sakura stepped into this house and my stupid cousin stared at her.

Perhaps it is because Xiao-lang has never ever stared at any girl - ever. Not before Sakura, not during Sakura and not after Sakura. He's totally hung up on her. Love struck, head over heals, almost like that fan fiction on about that druggie boy and that Christian girl who fall in love, even though it is against the so-called school rules. Though, we don't have the stupid rules.

Something does seem to keep him from telling her how he feels or just even asking her out on a date. I don't think it is because she's my best friend. There must be something more to it. Perhaps he is scared to be rejected by her. I mean, she is the first girl he totally lost his heart to and he doesn't want that floaty feeling to go away I suppose.

The worse thing she could do is to say no. And I suspect that it is that unspoken 'no' that is keeping him from asking her. Boys are silly, really.

I crunched the cornflakes in my mouth as I watched the screen with my aunt and friend. This big black man was practically jumping up and down as he talked to the guests while the chefs cooked and what not. I don't really understand the appeal of these shows, but hey, what ever floats your boat.

Clare used to watch these fashion shows that would drive me around the bend. You could only watch a model walking up and down a catwalk with awful clothes on so many times. I still don't know what the hell she saw in that, but I would give anything to have her next to me and to watch one of those model shows again.

Dad with his formula one and mom with her soaps. It is strange how you take things for granted and you really want them back after you've lost it, but it is too late then. You can't have it back, because nobody can bring it back. Not even God.

I've been mad at God for too long now. I need to make amends with Him. He'll take good care of my family up there. He will make sure that they are well provided for and that they have everything that they could possibly want and need. Besides, I will see them again some day. Everyone dies; it is just a question of when and where. And it wasn't my time to go with them.

I just hope that when I do see them again in heaven, that I appear before them in the prime of my life. It doesn't matter what age I am, I just want to know it was when I looked and felt my best. So when I see them again I can tell them 'This is me and I hope I made you proud'.

_**Tomoyo's P.O.V.**_

Meiling was off in her own world again. She does that a lot. She space out and get this odd dreamy look on her face and her ruby eyes go all dark and hazy. She looks kind of cool like that. I once heard this guy in class say that she looks super sexy when she's in her daydream land.

I suppose it is because she doesn't frown, but rather have this small cute smile playing on her lips. She looks happy then. And although I am unable to communicate with her at all when she is like that, it makes me happy to see her happy for a little while. I wish she would smile more. She would get so much attention if she did.

The front door opened and Meiling's cousin came waltzing in like he owns the place. Not Li, Hiiragizawa. What an arrogant man. His cocky grin is way too confident, his long hair way too long and those glasses. What on earth was he thinking? Dork alert! Ever heard of fashion? I suppose not. Rimless would look way better on him. Then you would actually see those blue eyes of his. Oh, he has nice eyes…

"You here again?"

"Are you still here?" I mocked him and he shot me a sarcastic smile. I can visit my friend when ever I want.

"I can visit my family when ever I want. Where is Xiao-lang by the way?"

"With Sakura."

"Sakura?"

"Yeah, they are having hot steamy sex, in order to get Sakura pregnant with twins and have an excuse to get married."

"Tomoyo!" I shrugged at Meiling. "That is so gross. She would have killed you if she heard that."

"Xiao-lang would think it is rather hot. You know he's been chasing after her skirt for so long." He sank down between Meiling and me and draped his arms around our shoulders. "My baby cousin and her hot friend, what more can a guy ask for?"

"Balls and a brain."

"Tomoyo!"

"What?"

"Is she always this charming?" I glared at Eriol.

"She's actually quite nice to the guys she doesn't like. And seeing as she is extra rude to you, she must find you extra hot."

"I do not! With those dorky glasses? Please. I have self respect you know."

"Reminding me as to why I actually came. I need someone to help me with my contacts. The optom explained how to fit them, but I just do not seem to get it right."

"You're the expert, miss self respect. I'll be in the study if someone needs me."

"Meiling!" Eriol grinned down at me and gave me a squeeze and I growled at him. "Bathroom then." How long can it take to put in contact lenses? Apparently an hour and more than a couple of uncontrollable tears later. But he got them in and I learned I had patience I never had. But even with this task finished I was still stuck with him.

Meiling is caught up in her own world again. Whenever she goes and sit in front of a computer, you know there is no return. Mrs Li went out and Eriol does not look like he is about to leave soon. "Thanks love."

"Fine." I grumbled in response. "Hey, where do you think you're going?" I followed him to Li's room and he grinned at me over his shoulder.

"I need to borrow something."

"You can't just walk in there and take what ever. You know how he feels about his stuff. Eriol!" I pulled on his arm and he dragged me into Li's room and closed the door behind us. I dug my heels into the carpet and he simply pulled me along. I knew loosing weight was a bad idea.

"You got light love." I narrowed my eyes at him. I hate it when he calls me that, and he always calls me that. He picked me up with one arm, despite my physical and verbal protests, and sat me down on Li's bed before going on a search for what ever he was trying to find. I just watched him as he rummaged through one of Li's desk drawers. "Here we go."

I frowned at him as he pulled out a photo frame and sat down next to me. He slipped his hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out a photo. A photo of Sakura and Li sitting next to each other. "Where did you get that?"

"I have my ways love." He opened the back of the frame and slipped the photo in before replacing the back. "Now where… Ah!" He stood up and sat the photo down on Li's desk. I stared at it. In the corner Eriol had written something. 'Hope you pass.' Pass what? School or varsity or their test of love? This guy is weird. "What do you think love?"

"I think the one we gave him is better."

"What one?"

"A picture of Sakura."

"Really now?" He sat back down next to me and stared at me. I pulled a what-the-hell-are-you-looking-at face at him and he grinned in response. His hand slipped up to my face and he pushed some of my hair behind my ear. I held my breath as his thumb caressed my cheek and his grin turned into a soft smile. "I know you are angry and you feel hurt, but you are a lot more beautiful when you smile."

I stared at him confused. Where on earth did he come from? Or should I rather ask from what planet he came from? That's when that song stared to play in my head, the one Sakura always listens to at full volume. 'Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything. Pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about.'

He leaned in and kissed me, just a soft small kiss on the lips. I pulled away and walked out of the room leaving him there. I don't care if Li finds him there and kills him for invasion of privacy. I don't care if I never see him at all, ever again. I sank down in a kitchen chair and stared at the stove. 'It's the way that he makes you feel…'

_**Sakura's P.O.V.**_

'It's the way that he kisses you. It's the way that he makes you fall in love.' The song played in my mind as I started on my last equation for the day. I hummed slightly as I scribbled down numbers and whatnots. I could really care less. I'm only doing this to pass and when I do I am never going to do math in my life ever again.

Li's dark eyes scanned over the little numbers I scribbled down, following my pencil his eyes always managed to stay fixated on my fingers. He stares a lot. At my hands when I write and at my eyes when he thinks I don't see him. His eyes always trails up to my lips if I have gloss on, and sometimes I catch him staring at me when I'm doing something other than math or science.

The strange thing is, it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. It makes me feel the exact opposite, safe. I know he is looking out for me. He is looking over me, watching me so I won't get hurt.

'Her killer instinct tells her to beware of evil men.' I grinned. Li is everything but evil. I might say so when he drills me for getting and equation wrong or when I haven't done my home work, but he's not evil. He nudged my cheek with his finger and I looked up at him. "What are you grinning at? Your equation is wrong."

My grin grew and I shrugged at him. "What did I do this time?"

"It's a half not a quarter, you numbskull." I stuck out my tongue at him. I hate math and he knows it. He's always teasing me about my inability to put one and one together to form fifty. Don't ask, I don't understand either. "Stick your tongue out again, and I'll make you swallow it."

"Yeah? And how do you plan to do that?"

"Oh, there are several ways. I could strangle you, kick you, punch you, pinch you, kiss you… Take your pick." Kiss Li? I wonder how that will feel. Will I even have the guts to kiss the hottest guy I know? It will probably depend how psycho my hormones are at that stage.

"You don't have the guts to do the last one. Besides, everyone knows that you've been holding out for this mystery girl your in love with for years now. You won't blow your chances with her just because of me."

"Yeah, you're right. Who would want to kiss you anyway?"

"Hey! I'm a desirable girl. I think…"

"There is a difference between desirable and kissable, sweetheart. It is when you have both that you become irresistible."

"Okay, so lets say this girl you like is irresistible. Why haven't you asked her out yet? The worst she could do is say no."

"It's a bit more complicated than that."

"Is she a friend?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. That is a bit more complicated." I bit my lip for a moment as I watched his dark eyes stare at my hands again. "Do you love her?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you love her? I mean, do you think you are really in love with her?"

"I do not think, I know."

"Oh." He sounds so sure. How does he know he is in love with her? I mean, it is not like there is this sign that gets posted up on your wall one morning when you wake up to tell you that you are in fact in love and that that floaty feeling you've been experiencing for month now is not just your imagination.

"Are you in love Sakura?" I frowned at him. Am I in love? Does my heart race every time he smiles at me? Do I long for any opportunity, any excuse for him to touch me? Do I get a thrill every time I know I am going to spend another day with him alone? Yes, yes, yes and yes!

"Maybe."

"Who's the lucky guy?" There was something in his voice… Hope, sadness, regret? I'm not sure, maybe all of the mentioned. I smiled at him and wrapped my arms around his strong one.

"Oh Li, you know my first and only true love will always be math."

"Very funny. And here I was hoping to talk to you about the matters of the heart."

I let my body sink down against his as I continued to hold on to his arm. My fingers found his and I played with them like I always do. "I am the worst possible person to ask stuff like that." He has nice hands. "I'm not exactly popular when it comes to boys you know. They like girls with sparkle, like Tomoyo and Meiling."

"There's nothing wrong with you. You're pretty and I know about a bunch of seniors that thought you look pretty cute in your school uniform."

"Yeah well, there is a difference between cute and dateable. Besides, I pray for the poor guy. He has to get past Toya first. That is if he isn't scared away by him."

"Your brother is all bark and no bite. If a guy really likes you he'll find away around the growling beast." Like you. I leaned my head against his shoulder. He kissed my hair and I smiled even though he couldn't see it. "I have to head home. Eriol is probably waiting for me."

I helped him gather his stuff and saw him out. Li is weird, but his heart is in the right place and that is all that matters. I sank down on the couch. It is always so lonely when he leaves. He fills the silence with his presence. Luckily daddy will be home soon.

A shrill noise filled the house. It's Li's phone, he must have forgotten it here. I looked around and found it on the coffee table behind the cup he used. Stupid boy. "Hello, Li's phone, Sakura speaking."

"_Sakura?"_ There was a silence after he said my name. Who ever 'he' is. "_Hey guys! I've got Li's little girlfriend on the phone!"_ What? I am not his… "_Hey babe, what's up? Where is Li anyways?"_

"He went home and forgot his phone at my place."

"_Chihiru!_ _He was at her house! Dude, that is so cool."_ Is this guy totally nuts or what? "_The name's Takashi, babe. So, Li was at your place hu? Did you do anything interesting?"_

"If you call maths interesting, I suppose."

"_Math?_ _Babe, why are you talking numbers? I want to hear juicy details."_

"Even if I had done that with him, I wouldn't tell you now would I? My personal life is my own and has absolutely nothing to do with you."

"_Sure thing._ _But seriously, when are you and Li going to get together?"_

"What?"

"_You're clueless, aren't you? Anyways, nice chatting to you babe."_

"Bye." Babe? How weird is that guy! Li has weird friends, which would explain him since he is not too normal himself. But still…

I need to get his phone to him, before another person calls. I glanced at the clock. Dad should be home soon and then he can take me to drop Li's phone off. I hate cell phones.

**AN: Hey! Like I said in Short Stories with Tragic Endings, the next 2 months are going to hell. I have midterm exams coming up and I really need to study and finish my assignments. Varsity blues – ha ha!**

**Thank you so much for your reviews!**

**Tella**

**PS. Thank you Bobo! You are one crazy chick to read and review ALL of my stories, but a really appreciate the support. Lovies me!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Honestly Okay**

**AN: I do not own Card Captor Sakura**

**Chapter 4**

**Tomoyo's** **P.O.V.**

Meiling was twirling up and down, from side to side the entire way to the cinema. She loves horror movies and to go to a horror fest is like giving ice cream to a two year old on a hot summer's day. It's a good thing Sakura said she couldn't go out tonight, she would have been mortified at the idea of having to sit through three horror films back to back.

Unlike Meiling, Sakura does not have the stomach for gore and blood, not to mention men ripping women to bits with butcher knifes while they are in the shower. I, on the other hand, am rather indifferent to it. It is not my favourite genre, but damn it is fun to see those morons run only to get ripped to bits.

"I'm so excited." Meiling giggled next to me. I prefer action flicks and good old comedies. British comedies through, those American ones are more vulgar than anything else most of the time. Oh, _Blackadder_ would be a nice laugh right now, or perhaps _Little Britain_. Or I could just laugh at who ever dies in the films tonight. That could work too.

"Hey beautiful." I paused at the voice and turned to see Eriol and some guy approaching us. I lifted a brow at him and turn back to the front, not bothered by him at all. "Don't I get a kiss?"

"No." He tried to push down my elbows, but I kept my hands behind my head. "I don't remember inviting you two to come with us."

"We didn't know you girl's were into horror."

"I'm not, she is." I nudged my head towards the girl behind me. "Hands to yourself." I grabbed Eriol's writs and threw his hand back at him.

"That's not what you said this afternoon." I rolled my eyes at him. "Come on love, don't be that way."

"Shut up Eriol." I glanced at Meiling as she stood glaring next to me. "You can sit with us, but you don't sit next to Tomoyo. I don't want any of your stupidness tonight. We came here to enjoy ourselves, not to baby-sit you and your friend."

"Hey!" The guy complained as he lit up a cigarette. "I don't need no chick to baby-sit me. I can cope on my own, thank you very much."

"Yeah, I can see that. You're already doing a terrific job by killing yourself with smoke." I bit back in my friend's defence. He narrowed his eyes at me and I glared back at him.

"Dude, I don't need this attitude from high schoolers."

"Yeah, let's leave." I watched Eriol as he glanced back at me. I stuck my tongue out at him. What a big baby.

"What big babies." Meiling huffed next to me and I nodded in agreement. "What did Eriol do to you anyway?"

"He tried to kiss me."

"Sleeze ball, I told him to keep his grubby hands off you."

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and she returned the gesture. "Well, I'm glad to see that I have a good friend in this world."

"Same here, girl. Sakura is fantastic, but she can't do horror flicks like you can."

"No, perhaps not. But if Sakura was here those guys would not have lasted two seconds."

"Where is the bitch of the group when you need her?" We laughed at poor Sakura's expense, but all in the name of good fun and friendship. She's stunning, really, but you don't want to get on her bad side. Ever. That is just too damn scary. Believe me, I have seen her angry.

I still shudder to think.

**Sakura's P.O.V.**

I slowly made my way up the giant staircase. In the distance I could hear dad and Mrs Li talking about something or another. A faint popping sound echoed along with their laughter. Oh dear, the wine is open. Shaking my head I made my way to Li's room. I knew I should have come up to the house alone.

I knocked on his door and pushed it open. He looked up at me in surprise as I closed the door behind me. I dropped his phone on his chest and it made a faint 'thump' sound. "Thanks."

"Your mom invited us for dinner, so you're stuck with me."

"They opened the wine, haven't they?" I nodded and he groaned in response only to fall back down on his bed. I sat down next to him and stretched my legs out. He patted my leg closest to him affectionately. "You did well today. Well, up until the last one. What was with the goofy grin?"

"Oh, I was just thinking of you." I looked down at him. His dark eyebrows furrowed as he frowned up at me. "Yeah, I had this song in my head. _Pretty girl_, you know, my favourite. And I came to the part where they sing about evil men, and I thought about you and how you are totally not evil. Well, unless you are nasty to me when I didn't do my homework."

"For good reason."

"You sound like my teacher!"

"I am your teacher."

"You're my tutor."

"Which in itself means I am a teacher. I have to teach you most of that stuff from scratch. That so-called teacher of yours is either really bad, or you never pay attention in class. And I am willing to bet it is the last one."

"Hey!" I pushed him hard. "Li!" He pulled me with him when he fell off the bed. I landed on him with a small 'oomph'. He laughed as I struggled to get up. I glared down at him. His eyes were dark and friendly. The dimples in his cheeks clear at his broad smile… And I could feel his hands on my waist as he still held onto me.

My heart raced as I looked down at him. His laughter stopped and he stared back at me. "What would you do if I kissed you now?" My voice echoed in my mind. Had I said that out loud? I'm not sure.

"I'll kiss you back." His voice was soft, unlike I have ever heard it before. I slowly let myself drop closer to him. His hand moved up to my face and he pushed stray strands of hair behind my ear.

"What about the girl you like?"

He grinned up at me. His warm breath played on my face. "She won't mind." My lips brushed lightly against his.

"Xiao-lang, honey, dinner is ready." I jumped at my dad's voice and hastily pulled myself off of Li.

"Coming dad!" I left Li on the floor as I rushed out of his room to the dining room. I rubbed my cheeks. I did not just do that. I did not just do that. I did not just do that. I took a deep breath and smiled at my dad and Mrs Li as I walked into the room. "Wow! that smells great Mrs Li."

"I hope it tastes as good as it smells." Mrs Li teased.

"Of course it will mom. Your cooking is always great." I avoided his eyes as I sat myself down next to him. Dinner went painfully slow, even though the food was fantastic. When the food was finished, I once again found myself alone with Li. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

"Yeah, okay." I followed him to the family room. In the distance I could hear another cork pop as the grownups opened another bottle of wine. I sat myself down on the coach and stared at the television screen. Li sat himself down next to me and pressed the play button. "What is it?"

"_Harry Potter_, for a lack of having anything better to watch."

"I love Harry Potter."

"I know." I lifted an eyebrow at him when he placed his legs on either side of me and pulled me up against his chest. Our legs were stretched out over the coach with his on either side of mine. He pulled a blanket over us and I allowed myself to rest against his body. His arms wrapped themselves around me.

I kept my eyes on the television as I watched Harry. I could feel his hand slide down the length of my arm to my hand. His skin touched mine. I swallowed hard as his fingers brushed over my skin and he laced his fingers with mine. I glanced up at him and he gave me a small grin, never letting his eyes stray from the screen.

I made myself comfortable in the seat his body moulded for mine. My head rested against his chest and I could hear the faint sound of his heart beat against the loud music of the film that surrounded the room. I listened to it intently, but it gave nothing away. It beat as it would normally beat. Slow and stead, with nothing to rush it.

His thumb stroked the side of my hand gently. Dad and Mrs Li laughed out loud from the living room and Li laughed in response. "It sounds like they are having a great time." His voice was a deep rumble when he spoke. I could hear it vibrating through his body. "Sakura?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just thinking." I'm just thinking.

**_Meiling's_** **_P.O.V._**

The movies were fantastic! Tomoyo even let out a terrified yell next to me when the creepy ghost cat jumped the American girl. I grinned at her and she glared back at me. "Don't you even dare." She threatened me with a low voice.

"You screamed so loud!"

"I did not."

"Why did the entire cinema turn to look at you then?"

"I wasn't that loud!"

"Oh you were so loud." I saw the taxi driver shake his head at us. "Maybe we should have asked Eriol to stay, then he could have soothed you afterwards."

"Don't talk to me about that idiot."

"Eriol and Tomoyo, sitting in the tree. K.i.s.s.i.n.g."

"Meiling, I swear if you breathe another word I will strangle you!"

"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the designer carriage."

"Well, at least you've got the carriage part right."

"You are so high maintenance."

"I am not!"

"Yes you are. Label shoes, label shirt, label jacket, label everything!"

"My mom bought me the stuff."

"Because…"

"Because I like it. Not that it matters anyway. I can afford it, so there. What about you missy? You are all labels too you know."

"I know. It's only Sakura who doesn't wear labels unless we give it to her."

"Because she can't afford it." A silence fell upon us. "I never thought of it that way." I glanced at Tomoyo as she mumbled the sentence I have been dreading to say. And she was right. We never stopped to think about whether Sakura could afford doing stuff with us or not.

In school most of the kids were divided first into money classes and then into interest or attitude classes. I just never saw it before. Now I know why Misaki told me that Sakura does not fall within my so-called class, that I am 'better' than her. I refuse to believe that my money makes me better than Sakura in any way, but I do realise now that it has created a divide between us.

"Do you think that is why she said she couldn't go on the field trip?"

"Probably, she has to save for collage."

"Let's stay with her."

"And do what?"

"Get an odd job like Sakura. We save the money we make together and we buy something really nice for Sakura that she never would have bought on her own. Like a really nice piece of jewellery to go with her prom dress or great make-up." Tomoyo stared at me like I have just grown a second head or something. "What?"

"You know how she hates it when we buy her stuff."

"Well, we'll say that it is to say thank you for supporting us through all these years. Honestly Tomoyo, who's shoulder do your run to first when things go wrong? Who is the person that will drop absolutely everything and anything she is doing and get to us if we need her?"

"Sakura." She glanced up at me and I could clearly read the question in her eyes.

"No, it does not make us bad friends, it just makes her the glue that sticks us together no matter what. I'm voting a nice necklace she can wear afterwards as well."

"With a matching bracelet." I laughed at Tomoyo as we climbed out of the taxi and paid the driver. The house was nice and warm when we entered. Aunty and Mr Kinomoto's cheerful voices filled the house along with music from the television. Tomoyo and I made our way to Sakura and my cousin. I paused when I stepped into the room.

Xiao-lang and Sakura were fast asleep on the couch. My cousin was behind her with his arm wrapped around her waist to keep her from falling off. Tomoyo switched off the television as I pulled the blanket back up over the two. "In some odd way they are perfect for each other." I nodded at Tomoyo's quite voice. "See you upstairs." I nodded again and squatted in front of my best friend.

I reached out to push some hair from her face, but paused when I saw the tears. She was crying. Why is Sakura crying? I bit my lip. Did my stupid cousin do something to her? Did something happen that she didn't tell us? It's not her mom's anniversary, that I know. She mumbled something and I listened intently. "I'm a bad friend…"

"Sakura…" You are not a bad friend. You are our best friend. You are our best friend.

"She feel's like she has let you down, because she is unable to do anything for you." I glanced up at my cousin's strong voice. He looked down at me with his dark eyes. I glanced back down at Sakura's sleeping face – her tears were gone now, she's not dreaming anymore. "Meiling, she needs support too."

"I know." I whispered and walked away leaving my cousin to comfort my best friend. I swallowed hard and threw Tomoyo's door open. "We have to stay for Sakura!" She glanced at me in surprise. "She thinks she's a bad friend because she can't help us."

"But she's our best friend."

**AN: Hey guys. Exams are not quite over yet, but I got a breather. Halleluiah! Ha ha! Anyway, I know most of us have felt at some stage that you have let your friend down because you were unable to do something to help ease their pain. It's silly, but it happens.**

**Thank you for your reviews!**

**Tella**


	5. Chapter 5

**Honestly Okay**

**AN: I do not own Card Captor Sakura**

**Chapter 5**

**_Meiling's_** **_P.O.V._**

I glared at my cousin as he lay on his bed pretending that I do not exist. He's been ignoring every question I have been asking him. "Xiao-lang!"

"What Meiling? What do you want me to say?"

"Tell me what the hell happened last night!"

"Mom invited them for dinner, we ate, we watched a movie, she cried in her sleep and then left. Happy?"

"No. Sakura never talks in her sleep unless she experienced something 'significant' or is under a lot of stress. Now spill!" He glared at me. He really glared hard and long at me, the way he used to glare at any guy who dared to flit with Sakura in school. "I have all day dear cousin."

"You are worse than my sisters." He grumbled and turned his back to me. I sighed and fell down next to him. Why do men have to be so darn stubborn? Really, it would make life so much easier if he would just tell me…

"Did she kiss you?" His back stiffened. He answered me with silence, silence I took as a definite yes.

"You can't really call it a kiss." He sighed and turned back to look at me. I watched his saddened face as he stared up at me. "She asked what I would do if she kissed me."

"And?"

"I told her I'd kiss her back."

"And?"

"She knows I like someone, she just doesn't' know I like her."

"And?"

"And? And what more do you want me to say? Her lips hardly touched mine when her dad called to say that dinner was ready."

"So why so glum? Don't you see the significance of this?"

"How can there be any significance in a possibly humiliating situation?"

"You are daft some times." I ruffled his hair like a little kids. "She likes you, you dope. She wouldn't kiss you if she didn't like you. That's Sakura."

"And how do you know that for sure?"

"I don't. But I can tell you this much, in all the time I have known her she hasn't kissed one guy. She always claimed to be too busy to bother with teenage boys and their hormones, but I think she was holding out. I think she was holding out for you Xiao-lang."

"Why?"

"For the same reason you keep going back to her." I squeezed in tight next to him and he wrapped his arm around me. "Listen, love is a funny bunny. It can hop any way it wants and in any direction it wants. Sometimes it happens that it ends up on the right path. You just have to catch the bunny and make sure that you keep the bunny."

"Bunnies? You've been watching too many cartoons."

"You're missing the point here!"

"No, I get it. I should just ask her."

"Exactly." We stared at the ceiling for a while, not talking, not bothering to look at each other. Xiao-lang has definitely in a way become my brother, someone close to me I can trust with almost any secret and someone I can ask for advice or give advice to. And boy does he need advice. Though I am not sure I am always the right one to give it to him, but at least I know Sakura.

"Hey, didn't aunty give you chores to do?"

"Oh shit!" I watched him jump up and run out. The cupboard door slammed, his keys jingled and the front door slammed. He totally forgot. I listened to the engine roar before the sound died down as he drove away. Stupid cousin. He was probably so content with brooding that he forgot that auntie gave us chores.

Shaking my head I made my way down to the kitchen. I poured some hot chocolate for Mr Wei and myself before sitting down at the counter to page through some magazine aunty bought two days ago. My gaze shifted from the glossy pages to the telephone when it rang. Sighing I picked it up.

"_Meiling!"_

"Eriol?"

**_Tomoyo's_** **_P.O.V._**

I looked at the sky. It was a dark, heavy grey… it looked like snow. I like snow. It kills. It brings to life. It comes and it goes. I wish I was snow. I wish I could disappear like snow. I let my head drop and stared at the street. Cars were rushing by and here and there children were playing outside not caring about the cold.

I looked at my hands. They were white and red and blue. I forgot my mittens… I turned my hands over. My nails looked purple, numbed from the cold… Why did I forget my mittens? I don't remember where I left them. Are they in my room or in the living room?

I touched my cheek. It burned with the cold and the hot tears falling down felt unnatural. Are tears not supposed to be cold? Are they not supposed to reflect what you feel inside? Cold and empty and torn… I feel like snow being burned by hot tears. I am being melted. How wonderful it is to be melted.

"Tomoyo?" I stared up at the voice. Why am I here again? I can't remember. I didn't want to go to Sakura, because she has so much work and I didn't want to bother Meiling… Meiling is sad. She is morning for her family.

Like I am.

"Tomoyo, come inside." A warm arm wrapped itself around my shoulders. I let myself be steered into a warm home. It smelled of fire, and hot chocolate and fresh Christmas cake. It smelled the way a home is suppose to smell. It smells of warmth and love and happiness…

I started to sob loudly as I sank down to the ground. The warm arms held on to me as I cried. Suddenly the house felt too hot and my insides too cold. I am frozen like snow and I am melting in this warmth I do not belong in, yet yearn for every day.

A soothing voice filled my ears as soft whispers of promises filled my mind. Promises of belonging and caring and a better future. Promises of always being there for me…

I clung to the warm shirt. "Daddy moved out. He's going to divorce my mom." The hold on me tightened.

"I'm sorry love, I am so sorry."

"Tomoyo dear, would you like some tea?" I stared up at the kind voice. In front of me stood a lady resembling the Li sisters in so many ways. Her kind smile held concern as her brown eyes watched me intently. I nodded. "Help her to the couch Eriol."

"I will mom." I let myself be helped up on my wobbly legs. Eriol took off my coat for me before he sat me down on the coach. "Are you okay? In consideration…"

"Yeah, thank you." He smiled slightly at me. I don't remember why I hated him so much at one stage. I can't seem to remember a lot of things lately. I took the tea offered to me and let Mrs Hiiragizawa fret about me for a while.

"How's your mom?"

"She's with Mrs Li."

"That's good. Drink up now." I obeyed and drank my tea. The cold and the numbness inside me slowly melted away and I was left with the unmistakable ache of a broken heart. My head felt woozy and my eyes heavy. I let myself sink into Eriol's hold and that of the darkness.

_**Sakura's P.O.V.**_

I cursed under my breath when I bumped into the coffee table for the hundredth time. I swear I am going to take that damn thing and throw it out of the house one day or use it for fire wood. I've been bumping into it since I was old enough to walk.

I let my feet pound the steps as I marched my way up to my room. I glared at the mess I have made. Growling and cursing I started to toss all the junk into the hallway. Go away, go away and go away! I yelled in my mind.

Out with the old, in with the new.

The only damn reason I'm cleaning my room is because dad said he'll buy me new clothes and other spoil-your-daughter-rotten items if I do. That I don't have anything better to do. The bloody jerk cancelled on me! Stupid Li.

I could have organised something else, but no! He only lets us know he won't be coming in just when my dad is about to leave and I am stuck without any transportation to a decent place! I hate him! I hate him more than math!

I hate him!

I hate him!

Stupid Li. Stupid fucked up Li! Why don't you just take what you want? I'm handing it to you on a silver platter? What more do you need? A personal invitation with your damn name printed in gold on it?

I growled as I tossed more junk into the hallway. New stuff, that is my motivation. New stuff. Daddy is going to take me to the mall and treat me like a princess. Just remember that Sakura. Just remember that.

I jumped when the telephone rang. I frantically searched for the cordless and found it under my bed of all places. "Hello?" I growled into the receiver.

"Sakura, Tomoyo is upset and at Eriol's and someone needs to fetch her and take her home, because he doesn't have any transportation and my stupid cousin left his chores till the last minute so I don't have a car to drive us and her dad moved out Sakura! He left Mrs Daidouji!"

"What?" I felt my breath get caught in my throat. Tomoyo's dad left them… "My dad's gone… I'll take the bike!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll just take and extra jacket for her. I'll call you." I hung up and ran down stairs. I pulled on my thickest pair of boots and my brothers old winter's jacket over mine before stuffing another one into my backpack. I grabbed the keys and helmets and ran to the garage.

There my bother's old bike, now mine, stood. Red and black, a bit old but still good. I put my helmet on and strapped the extra one onto to the bike before kick starting it and driving out.

I was freezing when I reached Eriol's. I knocked on the door and found him with a tired and depressed Tomoyo basically hanging onto him. I helped her into the extra jacket and helmet before thanking Eriol.

I could feel her shiver as she held onto me. I wanted to hug her so bad. Her body moved with mine as be turned a corner. The road was slippery, but not as bad as I had expected. We turned another corner. A car hooted loudly and slammed on its brakes. I blinked. I could hear its brakes lock as it screeched into a tree.

"Look where the hell you are going!" My anger suddenly flushed over me again as I watched the man climb out of the car and walk up to us.

"It's my right of way asshole!" I stood in front of the man. My face burned as I kept Tomoyo behind me out of harms way. Every insult the man yelled at me I retaliated. Every threat he flung at me I bounced back. Until I couldn't take it anymore.

I felt my hands pull my helmet from my head and my right hand grip on to it. A strong grip caught my writs midair. Shocked I looked at the owner. It was Li. He was glaring at the man who yelled at me. "Get lost, before I let her hit you." He hissed at the man. The man backed away. Li took my helmet from me. "Are you okay?"

"I want to kill him!" I yelled in frustration. "I want to kill him! Why did you stop me?" My firsts pounded his chest hard. "Why did you stop me?" Tears burned my face as I sank to the ground, humiliated, angry… Tomoyo touched my shoulder and I could feel my heart crumble. "I'm sorry Tomoyo. I'm sorry. I'm not strong enough. I'm so sorry."

"You're my best friend Sakura." Her voice was as broken as mine. When I looked at her, her eyes were filled with tears. "That's all I need."

**AN: Hey guys! Chapter 5 is up and 6 is on its way. It might take a while tough, I have so much work it is not even funny. For those who read _Short stories with tragic endings,_ sorry about the un –updated-ness. It is just a really depressing and difficult fic to write, that is why it is taking a bit long. I will finish it though, so don't worry. I always finish my stories. New story you might like: _Apartments _**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**Tella**


	6. Chapter 6

**Honestly Okay**

**AN: I do not own Card Captor Sakura**

**Chapter 6**

_**Sakura's P.O.V.**_

"Sakura, pay attention."

"I am paying attention."

"No you are not. Just look at that! It's a bloody mess."

"Well what do you expect? My best friend's dad just walked out of them, my other friends turns into a zombie every Christmas and I'm stuck here doing math with you of all people!" I watched his lips pull into a thin line and I knew I crossed the border. I screwed up. Again. "Li…"

"If you don't want this, then why do you bother calling me to help you?" I watched him pack up his stuff and shoving it into his bag. "Don't bother wasting my time Sakura." I jumped up and followed him to the door. "Call me when you've decided to work."

"No wait…" I watched him pull open the door and rushed after him. I clung to his arm – like the sad desperate little school girl I am. "Syaoran I'm sorry. Please don't leave, I don't want to be alone." Please don't leave me alone.

"Sakura…"

"I'm sorry, I'll work I promise."

"You don't have to work." He sighed in defeat and my heart leapt. I pulled him back inside and closed the door behind us. "But…" I looked at him expectantly, almost everything Li does comes at a price – almost everything. "You are going to tell me what's bothering you. Got that?"

"Yes sir." I mumbled in obedience before his heavy arm wrapped itself around my shoulder and steered me to the couch. I sat down next to him, my eyes locked on my hands. "You see the thing is…" My eyes shifted from his brown ones down to my hands again as my words faltered. "You and me…" My words faltered again, but this time I continued to stare at him. "It's just…"

"Just because I don't acknowledge the way guys look at me, doesn't mean I do not see it." His dark eyes narrowed in confusion as I stared up at him. "I know how you look at me Li." His body stiffened at my words and he stared at me.

I know his big secret. I know how he really feels about me. How could I not? Only a complete and utter idiot or overly naïve person would miss something like that. I'm neither. "But the way you look at me is different." My gaze dropped to my hands.

He didn't say anything. He just sat frozen, staring at me. I just exposed a part of his soul he thought he could keep hidden from me. He can't hide anything from me. I know him, inside and out. I know how he thinks and how he feels about almost everything. Even me.

I looked up. His eyes were still fixed on me. For once in your life, Sakura Kinomoto, don't be a coward. Just do it. You've been thinking about it long enough.

I pressed my lips against his. When I got no response I pulled away and stood up. There is no use in trying. He is stuck in his limbo world of distant admiration. My hand hardly touched the stair railing when he twisted me around and pressed me against the wall. His lips touched mine. Hard, urgently, filled with need and determination, lust…

I could feel his lust bubble over into my skin as his hands touched the skin on my back and he pressed me against his body. He deepened the kiss and I clung to his jacket. When he pulled away my lips burned, his breath was heavy and so was mine. One, two, three, four… He kissed me softly, gently… With the tenderness he holds in his eyes.

He pushed his body against mine as I wrapped my arms around his neck. His dark hair was soft between my fingers, his breath burned my skin and every kiss healed it again. He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted my feet of the ground before my back touched the soft couch. I pulled him down on top of me, not willing to let the heat of his body leave mine for too long.

His lips brushed against mine as my closing eyes slowly darkened my sight, leaving me to only imagine what he must look like, kissing me. He gently asked for permission letting his lust for me only take over after I allowed him entrance. His taste was strong and powerful, almost illusive to some extent. The sent of this his cologne etched itself into my mind.

"You taste good." I grinned as I allowed him to kiss me again and again. I once heard Toya tell Yukito that it is a sin for a man to keep his lust locked up in his body. And for once in my life I have to agree with my stupid brother – Li's been holding out on me for too long. And I said just that. I could feel him grin against my skin. "Let's make up for lost time then." I could not help but giggle.

"You are beautiful when you smile, do you know that?" I stared up at him as he gently traced the lines of my face with his fingers. His soft touch drifted over my lips and down my neck. I could feel his touch through my shirt material, tracing the collar of my low-cut jersey. "So perfect." I could hear him breathe.

"I'm not perfect."

He grinned. "You're perfect for me."

**_Tomoyo's_** **_P.O.V._**

I looked up from my book when my door opened only to see Sakura waltzing in grinning like a mad woman high on… something. I lifted a questioning eyebrow at her when she sat herself down on my bed, slowly loosing her grin. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah." I answered. "You know the bad thing about this all?" She shook her head. "I wished for him to move out so he would stop upsetting mom. And now that he has…"

"It's okay Tomoyo. Everyone feels like that at some stage. I felt that way about Toya."

"But he's your brother."

"He's still someone you love." She pulled me into a tight embrace and I frowned at her sent. Sakura doesn't usually smell this… masculine. She always smells like Tommy Freedom, not Fire and Ice… Oh my… "But you'll always have me."

"Did you sleep with Syaoran?"

"What?"

"You so did. You so slept with him. Sakura! How could you not tell your best friend?"

"I did not under any circumstances sleep with Li! For goodness sake Tomoyo, I have some dignity."

"Then why the hell do you smell like him?"

"It must have rubbed off when he touched me…"

"When he touched your hand accidentally when he helped you with your math? Please. You practically stink of the man." I pressed my nose against her clothes and sniffed her all over. I admit, I must have looked like a mad woman, but for heavens sake! "Even your jeans smell like him. What did you do?"

"Okay, he fell on top of me."

"Uh-hu, and?"

"And what?"

"And get to the part where he made-out with you and confessed his undying love."

"He didn't confess his undying love."

"But he made-out with you." She groaned slightly. I grinned. "He totally kissed you crazy woman. I told him it's not good to keep all that passion and lust locked up inside."

"You discussed me behind my back?"

"He just wanted to know what bra size you wear."

"Tomoyo!"

"Chill, I'm joking. But seriously, he kissed you right?" She nodded. "And? Was it any good?" She fell back melodramatically and sighed. I could see her eyes haze over as she remembered what ever he did to her or for her, I suspect both. "That good, hu?"

"He tastes like cinnamon."

"Oooh, nice." I lay down next to her, ready to get all the juicy details out of her. "Does he really feel as hard as he looks?" She looked at me weirdly. "His body – muscles, six pack, martial arts…"

"Yeah, now that you mention it. His body is quite… hard… and heavy. He is really heavy. Come to think of it, how can someone who's build like a stone pillar be so gentle?"

"One, because he is not a stone pillar. Two, because you were beneath him. I assume. And three, because any man is gentle with the woman he loves. Four, because he wants to sleep with you so bad he is willing to sacrifice his macho image while in your presence. Or at least while he is on top of you." I grinned and she hit me. "Yeah okay, I deserved that."

I kept my mouth shut… for five seconds. "But seriously, have you ever thought about what doing it with him will feel like?" Her face flushed red. "I'll take that as a yes." I kept my mouth shut again, this time even less that five seconds have past. So sue me, I'm on the 'ask your friend incredibly embarrassing questions' stage of my life. "So, did he… You know." I nudged with my head. "I mean, could you feel anything?"

"Tomoyo, I am not going to tell you whether or not I turn my boyfriend on!"

"Oh, so he's your boyfriend now. Cool. But I still want to know."

"Yeah okay, yes. He's a man, what do you expect."

"Sweet little Sakura isn't all that innocent."

"Hey, I never said or pretended not to know what happens to the male body when 'aroused'. I am quite aware of the male anatomy, thank you very much." She huffed slightly. "Besides, it's very hard to miss." She blurted out between giggles. I burst with laughter.

"Hey guys, what's the joke?" We looked up at Meiling as she walked into my room. I saw Li before me, grinning like a stupid love-struck idiot. And I burst with laughter again. "Okay… really, what's the joke?"

"Sakura gave your cousin an Erickson."

**_Meiling's_** **_P.O.V._**

I lifted an eye brow at Tomoyo as Sakura let out a loud exclamation of our friend's name. "Why? He already has a phone."

"No Meiling. Erickson – as in south of the pants border line."

"Tomoyo, I'm warning you!"

"Really? Pray tell."

"I am cursed with sex-obsessed friends. I swear!"

"Don't swear Sakura, Xiao-lang doesn't like swearers."

"Like I care."

"You're going to care when you want him the mood."

"What?" Sakura glared at me. "I can't believe you. I come here to comfort this… animal." Tomoyo let out a small 'hey'. "And then she starts sniffing me and interrogating me and now you're already planning the first time I do it! You guys are too much!"

"Not as big as Li though." I tried to hold in my giggles. Tomoyo always had a rather blunt way of telling things, and this was no exception.

"Oh for goodness sake Tomoyo, the man has a… All men have. And compared to those sex-ed movies and Yukito, Syaoran doesn't look any… I should not have said that."

"Any different?" I grinned at Sakura. She just dug her grave. "Please Sakura, do tell us how you know exactly what my dear cousin and your brother-in-law looks like without their cloths on."

"It's not my fault they don't know how to lock the damn bathroom door!"

"You walked in on my cousin and you didn't tell me?"

"He caught me staring! Do you know how embarrassing that is? You should get him a bigger towel for Christmas."

"You stared at my cousin… while he was naked… in my bathroom…"

"Well, it's not like I touched him."

"No wonder he's been having those fantasies about you."

"What!"

"You didn't satisfy him the first time."

"Oh, someone please save me!" Sakura threw her hands up in the air melodramatically. "Do you even know what a naked man looks like? It is not a pretty sight. I know they like to 'strut their stuff' but in all honestly there is nothing to strut. And if you even dare repeat any of this to Syaoran I will personally come and kill you!"

I am so going to tear at my dear old cousin's soul when I get home. The old boy never told me about Sakura walking in on him, and he is definitely not going to skip out on all the juicy parts of exactly how every moan this girl before me uttered sent him into a spiralling abyss of passion.

I grinned as Tomoyo continued to ask Sakura the most embarrassing possible questions about naked men and how they feel when they are 'awake' and they press their bodies against yours. In all honesty, it's not like Sakura can say she didn't expect this coming. We all do. It just so happened that she is the first one. Next time it will be Tomoyo's or my turn to face the firing squad of embarrassing questions.

I laughed at Sakura's proclamation that she is going to break up with Xiao-lang and save her humanity and dignity while she still can. Truth be told, I haven't seen her this happy in a long time. Even Tomoyo is full of energy and happy – the way she used to be when I met her.

Even I feel different.

It just takes one thing to trigger a chain of emotions. Just one small thing to make people laugh and smile. We needed that one thing and now we found it in Sakura. Once again Sakura is the one to bring the smiles and joy back into our lives, even if it is to some extent at her expense.

People feel their emotions of one another. It is very true in our group. We are totally dependant on one another. They're my family.

I smiled as I could feel my eyes burn with tears. "Meiling, what's wrong?" I smiled at the two girls as each touched me in their own unique way. And I remembered my aunt and my stupid cousin we are mocking in his absence and I realised- I found it again.

"I found my family again."

**AN: I changed the confession scene – again. But I think it is better this way. Ha ha! Anyway, about the naked men part… I couldn't resist. It is so typical of my group of friends. We totally embarrass each other until you think an ostrich will not even be able to pull its head out of the ground anymore. But it's all in the name of fun. A bit of humour after the drama.**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**Tella**


	7. Chapter 7

**Honestly Okay**

**AN: I do not own Card Captor Sakura**

**Chapter 7**

**_Tomoyo's_** **_P.O.V._**

I stared at my dark bedroom roof beyond the silk of my canopy bed. Silver and gold thread shimmered slightly in the light from the street lamp outside. The dark silk reminded me of a summers evening when all the stars are out and you can see them clearly between the thick smog of the city.

I turned to look at my window. There were no stars out tonight, just thick clouds hanging in a large grey threatening mass over the earth. It looks like snow. I hope it snows. Perhaps the girls will help me build a snowman then.

I had a weird dream.

Dad was there. He was happy. I've never seen him happy before, not that I can remember of. He usually worked till late at night and over weekends. The only time he made time for mom and me was on holidays and birthdays, or if I had a large performance.

He's never attended a recital, he's never bothered to go to the parent teacher meetings, and he's never praised me about my good report card… He only bragged about me to his so-called friends. People he works with. That is the only time he would acknowledge my presence. That is the only time I was good enough to be his daughter.

It was simply a given to him. It was a given that I would have good grades, he never saw me studying till late at night and he never asked me if a test was okay or not. It was a given that I would do well at choir, he never listened to me practice day in and day out and he never asked me when a small performance for the school was being held. I just simply had to do well, no matter what.

I had to look good, I had to be beautiful at all times. When ever a business associate is to step in this house I was to look presentable, no questions asked. He never took notice of my appearance, until that day…

He never cared about my appearance until I brought Sakura home to meet mom. He was here for a short while, getting dressed for some other function he had to attend in some fancy ballroom. He told me to get rid of Sakura, that she was a stain to my image. I clung to her desperately. She was my only link to sanity.

I remember Sakura politely tell my dad to shove his opinion of her where the sun doesn't shine. She told him that she was friends with me and not with him, and that even if he forbid her to come to our house she would still seek me out at school or after school. Mom was with, she did nothing. All she did was keep a smile hidden behind a perfectly manicured hand.

How come Sakura could see dad for who he really was even back then, yet I only started to notice when the fights became louder and started to escalate?

Perhaps I love him too much.

I don't know. I don't really want to know. All I know is that he left and I don't have to listen to mom crying at night anymore. She is actually sleeping again. She looks refreshed and revived in the mornings when she wakes up. She has a new life of her own, a life my dad seemed to have kept suppressed all this time.

Mom knew all along. I know she does. She knew about the one night stands and the girl friends behind her back. She knew about the expensive gifts he would buy them, but he would think twice before spending a sent on his own daughter. She knew about it all and it won't surprise me if one day some kid ops up and claims to be my half sibling and demands an inheritance.

He or she can take it. I don't want dad's money. I'll make my own. I don't want to end up in that place where you turn into a miserable old crone only finding pleasures in filthy sex. That is beneath me. Sakura taught me that much. Everything that I do not want to be, I don't have to be. It is my choice.

My choice…

I pulled the covers off me and made my way to my mom's room. I sneered at the room that was once my dad's. Mom wouldn't even share a bed with him anymore. I pushed open the door and crept in, closing it behind me. His bed was stiffly made, the way he always looks. Curious I began to rummage through his drawers and closet.

Most of his clothes were gone as to be expected. I fiddled with the contents of his bedside table drawers. Condoms, and condoms… some scraps of meaningless names written on them. I threw it all in the trash. I don't care if he comes back and sees it there. He can't do anything to me anymore.

I scrunched my nose in disgust at a pathetic love note written by his one girlfriend and scrunched it into a ball in my hand before tossing it into the trash. I paused at a picture. It was me. A picture of me when mom and I went to the sea side last year. She bought me this cute purple bikini that I wore almost everyday. I turned the picture around. _My baby girl, all grown up._

I frowned at the handwriting. It wasn't mom's, I know hers by heart. I pulled out his old notebook and compared. It was his. Since when was I his baby girl? I tossed the photo and the questions aside before making my way through his other stuff.

Nothing much. I paused at a velvet box. Frowning I opened it. In side was a small golden locket with a picture of him and mom in it. I opened the note. _My darling Tomoyo, you have made your undeserving father so proud. I love you with all my heart. Dad._

Tears stung my eyes as I fastened the locket around my neck. I let my fist clench onto the note as I made my way to my mom's room. "Tomoyo? Honey, what's wrong?" I climbed into bed with my mom and let her wrap her arms around me the way she has done for so many years.

"What happened to dad, mom? Why did he change?"

"I don't know love. I don't know."

**_Meiling's_** **_P.O.V._**

"So my adoring cousin, had a good time today?"

"What do you want Meiling?" I grinned as I waltzed my way into Xiao-lang's room with a cup of hot chocolate in each hand for us. I placed it on his desk in front of him before making myself comfortable on his bed. I sipped the hot liquid melodramatically ensuring to work on his nerves a bit.

"I heard you and Sakura got a bit hot and heavy?" He choked at my words and I watched his glare with an innocent expression on my face. "What?"

"Who told that load of shit?"

"Sakura."

"She did not."

"Well, she did turn you on." His cheeks suddenly flushed red. "I'm teasing! I don't know what the heck you did, but you sure as heck turned her into a giggling blushing idiot."

"What?"

"You heard me. She's all giddy and happy and full of life. I've never seen her like this before. Just once, when she met you. She wouldn't stop giggling or blushing when someone said your name for weeks."

"And you are only telling me this now?"

"What? At least now you are both old enough to take responsibility when things do get a bit hot and heavy. Because my dear cousin, you don't have raging teenage hormones to accuse anymore. You are all grown up. Meaning you should be able to keep your lust in control."

"What the hell are you on about?"

"Oh please, like I didn't see that little love bite you gave her." His face turned into a more intense shade of red and now it was my time to frown at him. "If you do something stupid Xiao-lang, you will have Aunty, Mr Kinomoto, Toya, Tomoyo and me on your back, got it?"

"I won't do anything stupid."

"You'd better not." I let a silence hang in the air as to emphasise my point. "So, did you enjoy it?"

"What?"

"Was she as good as you hoped?"

"Better! If that girl is anything in bed like the way she is when she kisses…" He let out a happy sigh and I grinned. "She is amazing and her hands… her fingers, when they touch my skin…"

"I'm glad to see you happy cousin." I stood up and walked to the door, my mission was accomplished. He too is a love sick puppy, waging his tail in anticipation of the next time he will be allowed to have a lick at his bone. "What about you?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, you stupid. Are you happy?" I paused as I watched the carpet for a moment before I could feel a content smile slipping onto my lips. I threw my arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug. "What did I do to deserve this?"

"You never gave up on me. When most did, you never gave up one me. You kept believing. Like family should. I love you Xiao-lang."

"I love you too. You know I'm always here, right?" I nodded. "Good, I wouldn't be much of a cousin if I wasn't."

"Nah, you're my big brother."

"I got a promotion." He squeezed me tightly before letting go. "Go on then, I have to finish this for Sakura's lesson tomorrow. That girl is absolutely hopeless in math."

"She told you that she didn't have a foundation to build on."

"I'm starting to see it, she really is hopeless."

"Perhaps, but she is great with other things."

"Like what?"

"You."

_**Sakura's P.O.V.**_

I groaned as I pulled the hundredth bag up the stairs to the front door. It complained all the way as it bumped against everything and me. I cursed at it in my mind sending it to hell. With an enormous amount of satisfaction I dropped it in a corner with more bags before jogging down to my dad's office. "Tell me again how I got suckered into this?"

"You are my loving daughter, eager to help."

"That can not be all. There must be a catch somewhere." I started to pull the next bag towards the stairs. "I don't see how I would have agreed to this."

"Your dear old dad caught you at the right time. You were so ditsy I could have asked you to paint the entire house in the dead of winter and you would have agreed. I assume you had a nice time with Xiao-lang."

"Syaoran? Yeah, we did this and that."

"More of this and less of that." I paused at the meaningful look my dad gave me.

"We did this after that dad."

"And?"

"He didn't ask me to marry him if that is what you are looking for."

"But he did ask you out."

"Yes he did."

"And?"

"And what? We kissed, that is all we did. I don't need the birds and the bees speech, please!"

"I'm not going to give you the birds and the bees speech. I just want you to be careful, you're old enough to make your own decisions now and it is up to you to make the ones that are right for you."

"Say what?" I dropped the bag and stared at my dad. "So you're giving me permission to sleep with him if I want to?"

"I might be old Sakura, but I am no fool."

"I never said…"

"Your brother and Yukito has been, shall we say intimate, since they were sixteen. I am just grateful that you had more sense in that pretty head of yours than he did."

"Toya and Yukito… How did you find this out?"

"Let's just say that body language tells all. Come here." I followed my dad's order and moved over to him. He pulled me onto his lap like he did when I was a little kid. I looked at him and he smiled down at me before opening a book on my lap. I stared at the image of my mother in her school clothes with my dad behind her. "What do you see?"

"It's mom. But… she's younger than I am now."

"And?"

"And you. Dressed in a suite… Dad?"

"Sakura honey, your mother and I weren't exactly the conventional couple, even back then. I was still a school teacher at that stage, natural history, and your mother was my student."

"Yeah so. I've heard stories about teachers and students getting married sometime after they finished school."

"Look at your mother's hand Sakura." I stared at the image. I could feel a frown forming on my face at the simple gold band on my mother's ring finger. I turned my frown to my dad. "We were married when your mother turned sixteen. I moved to the university as to avoid any uneasiness in the classrooms. We had Toya when she turned nineteen… and I have never felt guilty.

"I loved your mother the moment I saw her. We dated and I asked her to marry me. And she did. My point is, Sakura, that you can find love at any moment in your life. Your brother found it when he was sixteen, I found it when I was twenty-four and your mother… Well, I met her when she was only fourteen. You met Xiao-lang when you entered high school. Of us all you acted on your love the latest."

"I still don't get it dad."

"Falling in love at a young age and staying in love with that person for the rest of your life is in your blood. Don't let anyone tell you other wise. If Xiao-lang asks you to marry him tomorrow, do it. Despite your brother's objections. I will always support you, no matter what."

"You're supposed to be the wise professor guiding me in the right way."

"I am honey. Your heart's way. Your happiness is all that matters."

"Thank you, dad." I leaned into my dad as he pulled me tightly against him. Would I marry Li now if he asked me to? I closed my eyes as I held onto my father's hands. I small smile crept onto my lips at the idea. Would I marry him?

In a heart beat.

**AN: Hello! I have a breather. Sigh! You should have seen what August looked like on my calendar, it was a nightmare of highlighted important stuff everywhere under a smiling Winnie the Pooh. I had these huge assignments for my major that each took me about six weeks to complete, and two other huge ones for other subjects that I spent weeks on. Plus tests and minor assignments all jumbled up… **

**Plus I had this major fight with two of my friends who aren't talking to me anymore. I still believe that I am a good friend, but they are unable to see it. Call me vain, but I really do try my best to be there for my friends. And I had to help my mom organise my gran's visit to the Netherlands, which meant the passport, packing, etc. **

**It wasn't good to be me for a while.**

**But it is a new quarter, and a new start! Summer is around the corner as well! I'll finish all my stories, so don't worry. _Honestly Okay_, _Apartments_ and _Short Stories with Tragic Endings_ will all have a 'the end', while _Another Fabricated Self-Portrait_ will remain my rambling domain. Chapter 2 was about my fight with my one friend. Anon left a review on it that is worth reading. If you can make sense of it please let me know, reading reviews at one in the morning isn't all that good.**

**Anyways! Thank you for the wonderful reviews!**

**Tella**

**PS. Two my two best friends and amazing supporters, Lizaan (Kayapride) and Hannelie (Inkeretta), you guys are the best! Love you lots! Hannelie, ek hoop ek het jou pen naam reg gespel! As ek nie het nie, jammer!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Honestly Okay**

**AN: I do not own Card Captor Sakura**

**Chapter 8**

**_Meiling's_** **_P.O.V._**

I felt like a silly ditsy pre-schooler running around the house singing Christmas carols along with the CDs Aunty has been playing all day long. I twirled with glittering decorations flying all around me. Fake small red apples, golden candle sticks with red or white candles… Miniature Santa's with big red suits and golden trumpets and red and white with gold trimmed drums.

A large Christmas tree decorated with bright colourful lights and a large shining silver star. Colourful presents with big bold ribbons and small love filled cards pilled up under the tree. A large fire crackling away in the fire place warming the house with the smell of burning wood, pine needles and Christmas.

Mistletoe on the doorframes, strategically placed by me. Pine cones, plain, gold, filled with glitter, silver, green and red arranged in big bowls around the large house to fill it with colour. Small figures of the Virgin Mary with Jesus and the three wise men arranged in a wonderful display on the window sill with white light brightening the scene – almost making it real. Tinsel everywhere!

The wonderful smells of Christmas cake and gingerbread men baking away in the hot oven, and the appetising smell of lamb, turkey and roast beef being cooked in wines and other fine sauces filled my senses.

I sighed in content as I sat on the stairs watching the made up living room and some of the dining room before me. A sudden surge filled my body – excitement, and intense joy. I jumped up and ran to the kitchen. The smells of wonderful food bombarded my senses. "My Meiling, you are excited."

"Very Aunty!"

"I'm glad." I closed my eyes for the moment her fingers affectionately stroke my hair. "Are you done with the decorations?"

"Yes. Even to the last piece of mistletoe."

"Who are you trying to get together?"

"Oh, no one in particular. I just want to create a few odd situations, get a laugh or two perhaps. Maybe a cheer." I grinned at my aunt as she laughed at me. "Can I help with anything?"

"You can help with the punch if you'd like."

"Yes please."

"Meiling! What's with all the damn mistletoe everywhere? I keep hitting my head against the stuff."

"It's not my fault you are too long for your own good."

"Just move it higher." I glared at my cousin and he at me. "I know what you are up to little missy."

"Mistletoe is tradition. I'm not up to anything. And I can't move it, I'm helping with the punch. If you want it higher, move it yourself."

"Meiling." My aunt hissed at me when my cousin walked out of the kitchen mumbling threats at me under his breath. "Did you put one above his door?"

"Yup!"

"That's a good girl."

"Aunty, shouldn't you want to try and keep Sakura out of his bedroom?"

"What ever for? The sooner they get married and have children, the sooner my poor soul can find some peace. That boy of mine drives me crazy sometimes." I laughed at my aunt. "Besides, and this is just between you and me, I think Xiao-lang wants to ask Sakura to marry him very soon."

"How did you come onto this conclusion?"

"He's been asking me all these weird questions. Such as what will it cost to buy a house or an apartment, and what the cost is of living… What should a budget look like, that kind of thing. I even caught him looking at the display in a jewellery shop when we went shopping the other day."

"Yeah so?" I jumped at my cousin's strong voice behind us. He was leaning against the wall eating a gingerbread man with an amused grin on his face. He bit into the man and chewed it leisurely as he watched us. "I want to get married you know."

"Eh? When did you stumble upon this sudden revelation?"

"I didn't stumble upon it. Sakura and I talked about it."

"And?"

"And? I'll probably ask her when she graduates. I just want her to get through school first, that is the most important."

"And what about collage?" I looked at my aunt. Yeah, what about that? Then again, I've never heard Sakura talk about that. She would brush it off if we ever stumbled upon the subject and say something nosical about it.

"I don't think she wants to go."

"Wrong you are cousin. She wants to do English Literature." He picked up and apple and I frowned at him. He's going to spoil his apatite. "We'll just make sure we won't have any children until she is done with her studies."

"You really thought this out, didn't you?"

"Of course mother. How else do you know me?" I sighed at my stupid love sick cousin. "I already asked Mr Kinomoto for permission." What the? He must really be serious then. I grinned.

"You're just looking for an excuse to get her into bed with you sooner."

"I don't need an excuse for that, you little twit."

"Oh, so you have done it with her?"

"My sex life is none of your concern." I watched him turn his back on us to make his way back to his room. I could hear him bite into the apple loudly – like he always does.

"Oh, so you are still a virgin."

"As are you!" I huffed as I crossed my arms. Why can't I ever bloody well win an argument with him? I looked at my aunt trying to stifle her giggles.

"You don't think…"

"Meiling honey, my dear boy is unfortunately much too responsible for that. He is logical as his father. You'll have to warn Sakura, it can sometimes be a damper on a romantic moment." I let my mind wander to Sakura and my cousin. I could see them making out on his bed. And somehow, I could just imagine him giving into her every whim.

He's in love with even her touch. I can't possibly imagine him resisting her kisses or her body pressed so tightly against his. I giggled to myself. I hope I get to baby sit their children one day. They will be adorable. Then again, if they are anything like Xiao-lang when he was little I can be doomed too. I wonder what Sakura was like as a little kid? I remember her father saying something of having to drive Sakura to the hospital on a regular basis.

Oh boy. We are doomed if they have children. Calm down, breathe in and out. That's it. It's still a number of years and who knows, maybe at that stage I'll have children of my own to give theirs hell. That's not good either. "Aunty, do you think it wise to let him breed?"

"I heard that!"

I ignored my cousin's cry of outrage from somewhere in the house and looked up at my aunt. "You only say that now, you are still young and have so much to live for. I know that it is difficult for you without your parents and sister, but Xiao-lang and I will always be there for you. No matter what you need or where you are. I'm so sorry that my beloved brother and his wife won't be able to see what a beautiful young woman you are turning into."

I hugged my aunt and let her hold onto me. She has in so many ways become my mother, but I still miss my real mother and father. I let my eyes drift to the roof. Sakura said… "Sakura said that no matter where I go my parents and sister will always be with me, because I carry them with me. I carry them in my heart."

"It seems that our little Sakura is a wise person underneath that clumsy exterior. Oh, Meiling…" I smiled at my aunt as her dark eyes searched mine. "Although I wish your parents were still here, I am forever grateful for the time they gave for you to spend with me."

"It's been the best aunty. I really can't ask for more." I really can't ask for more.

**_Tomoyo's_** **_P.O.V._**

Mom and I have been singing Christmas carols like idiots all day long. It started at around ten in the morning and I slightly embarrassed to say that it has continued till six thirty the evening, now that we are on our way to the Li residence. And I suspect once we arrive there we will still continue to sing carols like idiots until well into the night.

Oh well, who gives a damn?

My dad left, and although I feel kind of empty inside, I also feel relieved. All that tension that used to wear my mom down is gone now. She's been sleeping well, she eats better, she looks better and she is so much happier. She even baked a special Christmas cake for me. Mom never bakes! She buys.

Strangely enough this empty feeling isn't bothering me all that much. I'll still see my dad. I don't know what on earth I will say to him when I do see him. As I recall our last meaningful conversation was two years ago when he asked me about Sakura – again. Conversation, I should rather say heated debate.

It's going to be odd to spend time with him, that is if he even makes time for me. I doubt it though. He hasn't made time for me in a very long time and I don't think he is going to start now. What's he going to tell me anyways? Hey honey, let me tell you about the five woman I slept with this week and the illegitimate child that is most probably mine, seeing as I was the only guy who screwed the little whore at that stage.

That won't surprise me – an illegitimate child, or more. They will all probably pop up when he dies and try to put a claim on their share of the inheritance. I can just see it now, 'Daidouji in feud with father's unknown children' or something like that. As if. They can take his money. I'll take over from mom one day. It's been her and my plan since I was a little girl.

I don't want any part of my dad's business – machines ain't my style. Here you go dear half-brother or half-sister, please take it. You'll be glad to find that you will have to work impossible hours, spend a lot of time with a bunch of back stabbers and you'll probably end up sleeping with half of the model slash acting population in town.

Dad is weak. I can just imagine it. Him at some fancy party without mom and a little slut with no self-respect rubbing herself up against him. 'Oh Mr Daidouji, you have such a big … Please screw me all night long.' 'Sure honey, let me just call my wife and tell her I will be late – oops, I'm separated now. I can screw who ever I want.' Not that he didn't do it anyways! So much for vows.

Oh great, now I have a disgusting image of dad riding some model through the mattress of a motel bed. URG! I'm not having sex until I am married, I swear. Disgusting, stupid imagination. I am scarred for life. As if just knowing about his infidelity isn't bad enough.

I wonder what he'll do if I do walk in on him one day?

"Here we are Tomoyo! I'm so excited."

"Yeah mom, this is going to be great." I smiled at my mom and climbed out of the car. Our arms were loaded with gifts as we made it to the door. Wei opened it with a huge smile on his face and a silly Santa hat on his head causing me to giggle. "Mr Wei, you look great."

"'Tis the holiday season miss. Please enter. Good evening Mrs Daidouji."

"Evening Wei. We even brought you a little something."

"I'm delighted madam." I rolled my eyes at the two talking all funny.

"Meiling! Where are you?"

"In the kitchen with Sakura!"

"What? You know you should keep her away from food. We want her to stay as attractive as possible for Li."

"Ha ha, Tomoyo." I grinned at Sakura as Li pulled her close to him with a grin on his lips. "I can pig out if I want, it is one day. Besides, you are the one who packed on the pounds this holiday."

"I did not!"

"Really, then what is that little blubber I see?"

"Don't be absurd. Tomoyo has a perfect ass." I yelped when someone smacked my bottom. I turned to glare at the person, only to find Eriol with an extremely amused look on his face. "Nice and firm too."

"Keep your hands off my posterior Hiiragizawa!"

"Oh such big words for such a little girl. How are you love?" I pulled a face when he draped an arm around my shoulders and kissed me on the forehead. I glared at Meiling and Sakura who were both failing miserably in trying to keep their giggles in.

"I'm fine."

"Good, because tonight is going to be a blast."

"Blast off to the moon and leave me alone with the candy apples, then I will be happy."

"You wound me so my dear love."

"Get over yourself."

"Tomoyo and Eriol sitting in the tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g."

"Get back here Kinomoto! You have sung your last teasing song!"

"Run away, run away!" I dashed after Sakura as she released herself from Li's hold and ran for her life out of the kitchen. "Run to the hills! Run to the hills!"

"But me lord, they're coming from the hills!" Sakura swallowed as I blocked her way to the stairs.

"Well then… Run away from the hills! Run away from the hills!"

"Get back here Sakura!"

"Not in your life. Omf!" I burst with laughter when Sakura ran strait into her brother, Toya. He looked at her with that annoyed look he always carried when he believed his sister to be acting like the 'monster' he always say she is. He pulled her up by her collar like a little puppy and sat her back down on her feet.

"Monster."

"Come here trouble maker." I laughed when Li lifted Sakura over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes before carrying her off to another room, probably to make out.

"Sweet." I frowned at Eriol. "Them – wish I had a girl." I laughed at his statement. "What don't think anyone would go out with me?"

"No, unless she is crazy."

"Like you?"

**Sakura's P.O.V.**

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh. Hey! Jingle bells, jingle bells…"

"Jingle bells, Eriol smells, Toya laid an egg!"

"HEY!"

"Oh what fun it is to drink with Mrs L and Mr K…"

"Yeah!" I giggled at my dad and Mrs Li with their glasses high in the air along with the other grown ups before they continued with their drinking and talking. The boys were all playing poker and we took to karaoke. Bad karaoke, but karaoke none the less. And let's just say that after a couple of glasses of wine the songs Tomoyo and Meiling come up with only gets more interesting by the minute.

"What next my lovely Sakura?" I glanced at Meiling as she basically draped herself over my shoulders.

"Silent night?"

"Pretty, but boring. We need something up beat."

"What about a pop song torture session?"

"Oh! Me like… He he!" The pushed herself off me and glanced around the room. "Tomoyo! Where are you, you toffee apple eating pine needle?"

"It's snowing!"

"Eehhh!" Meiling and I shrieked as we grabbed our coats and made a dash for the door and into the cold night air. Snow was gently drifting down to the earth expanding the white blanket that already covered the ground.

"Oh baby, baby, how was I suppose to know." I giggled at Tomoyo as she picked up a stick and poked a snowball onto it to make a fake microphone.

"That the toffee wasn't right yeah." I threw Meiling with a snowball when she turned to me to go on with our stupid little song.

"Oh pretty baby, now the apple has gone cold."

"And that ain't right yeah!"

"You and me, we were meant to eat…"

"Something great now, so what went wrong?"

"You're singing is what went wrong." We all turned to glare at my brother as he came out dressed in his warm coat with the rest of the boys behind him.

"Shut up Toya!"

"Monsters will stay out in the cold to calm down when the rest can go in to warm up." I stuck my tongue out at him and he grinned. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" I nodded as he placed a warm arm around my shoulders. "Merry Christmas squirt."

"Merry Christmas big brother." He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my head as we watched a snowball fight break out between the rest. I laughed when a snowball hit Syaoran square in the face followed by a small victory dance by Meiling.

"You love him, don't you?" I glanced up at my brother and he smiled down at me. "I can see it in your eyes, and in his too." I smiled at my brother. "I'll always be here for you squirt."

"I know Toya."

"Big brothers need little monsters to tease."

"Hey." He laughed at me.

"You grew up so fast. I can still remember the first time I held you. You were such a tiny little thing. I was so scarred I was going to break you, but mom insisted."

"What was mom like?"

"Mom?" He was quite for a while before he pulled me closer to him. "She was just like you squirt, she was just like you." I smiled as I leaned against my big brother. Every one I love is here tonight, even great grandfather and to some extent the mother I never knew. This is more than okay, even better than honestly okay. It's perfect.

For everyone.

**AN: Hello! We are at the end of our story. Sniff. But it is like they say, all good things must come to an end. Excuse my absence, but while I was away I wrote my exams and GOT MY DEGREE! Yes, you've read right. I got my degree. I am very chuffed. Ha ha!**

**Thank you for your continuous support throughout this story. I really appreciate it. I just love Christmas, that it why I ended the story with a Christmas scene. And one day I want to have a white Christmas. I live in the South and it's summer now. **

**Thank you for the lovely reviews. I hope to see you again!**

**Lovies** **Tella**


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